Where Did You Go?
by Devon Aster
Summary: S1, very early S2. Three characters reflect on lost loved ones.


> _**Disclaimer:** Earth: Final Conflict is owned by Tribune Entertainment. No infringement is intended._
> 
> Where Did You Go?
> 
> **Written by:** Devon Aster**  
Type:** EFC**  
Rating:** PG-13 - for language and content
> 
> **********
> 
> Where did you go, my love?
> 
> You were torn from me so violently. In a terrible flash of fire. I couldn't believe it even though I saw it. My mind just couldn't accept that one moment you were there and the next...you weren't.
> 
> You were the one who said "Give them a chance." I was ready to settle down, to give you all the things you had put on hold for me. I was going to be a regular cop, one who could come home every night, tucked his kids in bed and kissed his wife goodnight.
> 
> I know you were willing to live with the uncertainty that came with my job; that some night I might not come home. I hated the thought, but I accepted it too. I never thought you would be the one not to come home.
> 
> Oh God, how I miss you. I promised you I would find the bastard who did this...and I did. And I couldn't kill him. By then...it was too late.
> 
> He said it was for my own good, that someday I would thank him. He doesn't know, he doesn't know I'm not like him. I guess he can't see the pain he caused. It's both a curse and a blessing. I can't rid myself of this pain without exposing what I am...or rather, what I'm not. But because I can hide it so well, humans have a chance.
> 
> I'm torn up inside, confused. I don't know who to trust. It seems everyone wants me for their own reasons. They want me to agree with their side of things and help them. I miss your strength, your support. You were the only one I could rely on completely.
> 
> And because I lost you, I'm humanity's best defense.
> 
> You said "Give them a chance". So I will. Because you are the one I trust.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Where did you go my heart?
> 
> I lost you twice, though the first time I didn't realize it. In my quest for control, I pushed you away. Then, when I lost control, I was the one who made sure you would stay away.
> 
> I felt the pain it caused but I was convinced it was the right thing to do. You were so unhappy, so in a twisted way I thought I'd take that unhappiness from you. But I took everything else as well.
> 
> Then, when I realized what had happened..... I can't forgive myself for that. I tried to help but the very thing that had released from my bondage was also killing me. In the end, I couldn't protect you. In the end, I lost control...again.
> 
> I am so ashamed of what I've done. I promised you so much. I was the one who was going to give you the world.
> 
> Such arrogance.
> 
> But that's what I'm known for, isn't it? If only they could see underneath that blank mask.
> 
> I'm nothing inside. Rage, grief, regret, hate...I used to feel these things. I felt them the seconds before I become a soulless robot again. I knew hell in that short time, knew that I was ultimately responsible for your death.
> 
> But then it was gone.....
> 
> I'm not under their control anymore...maybe in some way you are responsible for that. It wasn't the same the second time around. You were there in my mind, a tiny barrier against the darkness.
> 
> But the sweet cleansing rage I thought would come, hasn't.
> 
> I am as dead inside as I was before.
> 
> The only difference is now I can take them to hell with me.
> 
> It's the only thing I can do now. I've lost you forever...there is no way to change that. But for you...in your name...I will make them pay.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Where did you go, my friend?
> 
> You were stolen from me, treachery took you away. I find it difficult to accept what has happened. It is not only that you were taken with such...deception, but also because of who the deceiver was.
> 
> You had such promise. You were different from the rest, unique. You attempted to hide it...and nearly succeeded. Eventually I saw through your pretense. And in spite of the risk, I held that secret close to my heart. I do not know if you realized I did.
> 
> My friend, we were so close to touching in a way few beings can. In you, I saw the hope of cooperation. And it gives me pleasure to know you saw the same in me.
> 
> "You are willing to understand us." You will never know how...precious...those words are to me.
> 
> I have never truly known grief before. Or regret. But now, I know both intimately.
> 
> Perhaps, in some way, your death will bring us yet closer to understanding. You were my guide in life. You continue to be in death. And I hope I can guide my own species with equal grace.
> 
> Farewell. May you find peace in your journey. Forgive us for what we have done.
> 
> I will strive to be worthy of your words. 


End file.
